Unlucky Travels: Israel Part III

Part II left off with the gentleman sitting next to me on the plane taking off his pants. I should probably clarify that though he did take off his pants, he was wearing shorts. I didn’t think it would be appropriate to prolong my gaze trying to ascertain if they were boxer shorts or actual shorts but suffice it to say, he was not entirely bottomless, nor was he entirely clothed.

Finally, I get to Israel: jetlagged, exhausted, and traumatized. We are placed in a taxi to a Kibbutz at the northern part of Israel, roughly 110 kilometers (or 68 miles) away. In case you are curious, a kibbutz is a communal settlement which basically means that everyone who lives in this community pitches in to make it function. I have pretty intense social anxiety, and interactions with a bunch of strangers is terrifying to me. As I mentioned in Part I, while everyone was getting to know one another before I arrived, I was trying to not be remembered as “the girl who cried in front of everyone at the airport.”  So I was quite a bit behind socially. The next day, we were taken to the Jordan river to go rafting. While rafting, the girls in my group decided to be flirtatious with a group of boys in a neighboring raft and get into a water fight. Me, being the graceful creature that I am, got splashed in the face with some of the water and managed to get a horrible eye infection which rendered me half blind for the duration of the trip because I couldn’t wear contacts in that eye.

This is our camel. We named her Lola.

Now the major wrap up, the highlight of the trip, and the pièce de ré·sis·tance: the heat exhaustion. I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced heat exhaustion, if you have not, I highly recommend you avoid it. Right before I realized what was going on, I started having sever panic attacks and then started throwing up. This was on our way to the Bedouin tents, which, I’m sure, were made more interesting as I was hallucinating the entire time. What I do remember vividly is drinking some very strong tea and coffee and riding a camel. After that, it’s a blur of being served food (which I did not eat),  passing out on some fluffy cushions in a giant open air tent, and being woken up to be told that I look very cute when I sleep, which was a nice compliment as I’m pretty sure I was drooling and twitching like a puppy chasing an imaginary fox. I woke up very early the next morning to rush to the bathroom to dry heave for a few minutes before making the pre-dawn hike up to Masada. After watching the most beautiful sunrise, we sat in the baking sun with minimal shelter for another hour and a half. At which point, I tried as hard as I possibly could to make it to the restroom (I had it in my sight!) before dashing sideways into a secluded, little ruin to throw up…on top of one of the holiest mountain in all of Israel. I’m pretty sure I’m damned for life now. After that, I had to take a tram instead of hiking down. I spent the next three days not eating. At least I looked fantastic upon my return.

I think it’s time for a second trip to Israel so that it can prove it doesn’t hate me.

Safe Travels,

Disclaimer about photos: none of these were taken by me.  They are all linked back to their original owners.